Why now??

I got the flu…just in time for eid. Brilliant!

Chaii fix

One of the many things that make me blow a fuse : watery, dum-less chaii - at any given time.

I take my tea very seriously. I like mine strong and intense…no sugar and very little milk - fresh please! I want my tea to be infused for some time - just enough time that it doesn’t get cold. I’m not a big fan of tea bags. They’re for sissy tea drinkers. As they say here, I like my tea ‘karak’.

If I don’t get my tea just the way I like it, there better be some scrumptious snack to combat the headache that results in the tea gone wrong…and perhaps an arrangement for a proper cuppa - just the way I like it! Otherwise, you won’t hear the end of my whinning.

Kismat Konnection…interest disconnection

…and what possessed me to take out time to watch this?? The foot tapping songs and Atif’s ballad of course!

I should know better next time not to gauge the watchability of an Indian movie based on how much I love to listen to the tracks in my car. Some time ago, there was Kaal with the mindblowing numbers…the film turned out to be an insult to my movie aesthetics. Kismat Konnection is another addition to the list. Also, it’s so annoying when your favoutire song is shown a la music video at the very end with the credits rolling along side for distraction. I just hope Singh is Kinng (yes…it’s double ‘n’!) won’t disappoint…even with hot Kat’s barbie pink do while frolicking with Akki in green around the pyramids.

While on this absurd connection with a ‘k’, i feel bad for Divya Balan. She should have just bowed out with grace after Parineeta - or stuck to the same roles and image. She rightfully deserved Filmfare’s Naryal Award for worst dress actress last year for Heyy Babyy (yes, it’s a double y!). I can’t seem to put a finger on why the poor thing just can’t get it right! … the hair, the western outfits, the accessories….Otherwise she’s not bad looking at all, and she does have a decent figure -and yes thank God! the lady can act! Tsk tsk…she’s heading for another one of those naryal trophies am sure.

Shahid Kapoor….he should have stayed away from the gym and those dumbells. The chocolate hero look is definitely still intact from the neck up…but the overall look with the bulges from the neck down is not too flattering. He was in his best element in Ishq Vishq….then something drastically wrong came about after that. Jab We Met was over-hyped, thanks to his ‘publicity stunt’ with Kareena…who by the way is the closest to have gotten to a decent pairing with him. Poor chap looks like a son to all the other actresses…yes, including Vidya.

Some songs just sound better to the ears…especially if it happens to be crooned by our very own over-rated-but-can’t-help-liking Atif Aslam. Gawwdd…Bakhuda looked and subsequently sounded horrendous on the screen! Why was he screaming throughout I wonder? Listening to it in my car won’t be the same ever again!

“Saadey naal karley parrteeee…kudee hai lagti naughteeee…freeeky freeeky raat hogayeee….yeh dharkan hai bhargaye bhargaye…yeh sanson hai chargaye chargaye” or something like that….totally hooked on this one for sometime now….so much so that I do an extra 10 minutes on the treadmill/cycle/stepper in the gym whenever it comes up. Gawwd! I sooo need to get back to my gym routine……

Is this all worth it?

I’m glad to report that the dreaded day was spent just like any other ordinary day - just the way I prefer to spend my birthdays. No celebrations, no melodrama, no depression, no sinking heart, no regrets, refused presents from family - (I did get a few from friends which I’m very thankful for, especially the one that came all the way from Isloo) - no unwanted surprises, no unwanted wishes from those I don’t want to have anything to do with anymore. I hope all this is a good omen. I didn’t even go out with the customary birthday dinner with my family!

And just for the record…Happy 3rd birthday blog!

Now an update on what’s been driving me up the wall recently….

These last 4 days have been insane, thanks to this bloke, who, I’m now (more) convinced suffers from chronic megalomania. One thing I loved about this low-paying job of mine is the fact that I don’t get to take my work home. But with his issue, all I can say is “hadd hogaye”. I’m talking about being dictated what to write and how to write it, being ordered to lose sleep in order to submit the first draft. I get to do double - triple the work just ‘coz these people suffer from some inexplicable insecurities. They are so complexed, I was close to tearing my hair out when I was asked to show them and get their testimonials approved - the same words and sentences that came out of their pretty mouths and which I noted down right under their noses. Fine, I understand that most of them posess the kind of English that Meera is so proud of blurting. But I think I’m capable enough of decrypting and putting broken sentences into viable ones that make sense. I might suck at the over use of praises (genuine or not, I may never know - and I’m actually not interested), that’s why I’m such a big fan of the thesaurus. But when the megalomaniac insisted on checking what has been said about his entity (“I don’t care if you have to stay up whole night, but I want to have a look at everything before I fly out day after”) I could not hold myself from storming into boss’ room, with bleary eyes and at the point of a nervous breakdown complaining what a pain this person is being with me. I’m not paid enough to stay up till sehri, putting together testimonials of 21 models, a full fledged feature on their greatness, and on top of all that, my efforts and going out of the way will not even be acknowledged any point afterwards! And to think that I’ve worked my ass off with this issue, having been manipulated, insulted and disrespected, when my increment was ‘postponed’ due to ‘the overall financial crisis in the country’. Bullshit!

This issue is mega. A commemorative/celebratory issue on the 15 years of work by these two. For this, for the first time we’re taking out a folding cover, featuring almost 18 models - the top in the industry. Inside will be a splash of testimonials from 21 prominent models interviewed by yours truly…..don’t be shocked if i told you that it wasn’t fun at all - it was a major pain that did no good to my hypertension! You can’t imagine the running around and waiting and sucking up and dunno what not when interviewing ONE model. Yes, 21 is a record! Even the models themselves expressed amazement (and pity by some) when I had to request them to keep it concise since there are 20 others giving in their ‘endless tareefs’. What’s sickening is that fact that we were manipulated into all this. And guess what! We also end up paying in cash for all this manipulation! Ahhh….the workings of this damned industry!

With this issue, I also got the chance to witness a shoot. What was phenomenal with this was that, this was a shoot for the cover, with 9 models (6 females and 4 smoking hot males). I bet I was the first previledged one to witness such a shoot. Of course there was also a downside to this achievment - which I’m not going to re-live by elaborating on it. Coming home at 1 a.m. with dad fuming was just one of them.

It’s amazing how a need makes the high and mighty drop from their pedestals. The very same people who will ignore your calls and messages on any given day, are now buzzing me every hour. I just wished they were more considerate with the timings though. I also happen to have a life and family. I also keep my fasts, which means that I will be needing all the sleep I can get, especially after work hours and especially at night. And there is also something called breaking the fast and prayers. How come I take all these into consideration before making a call to anyone and the others don’t when they dial my number?

I’m sure all these so called celebs make more money than I do. Then how come they can’t afford to call me from their cell? I just hope my mobile phone bill for this month will be reimbursed by the company. I’m under paid, over worked, taken for granted, robbed of sleep, stressed out to the point of insanity…for what? hadd hogayee yaar! 

Chalo, at least I got the pics with the hot models to show off and have my friends go gaga over them and envy at how lucky I am to have such glamorous coneshkions I have to be honest….I’m done with all this! I need to get out of this profession asap!

(Perhaps) now’s the right time to be back?

Half hour more……another year.

Yes, I have been away, the longest ever - and yes, I did try to force myself in between to get back to my blogging - I guess it just wasn’t the right time. But now, thanks to an sms from my gf, I think now is the right time to get back to my blogging - and hopefully, with a BANG!

“…chin up girlie! you’ve come a long way since last year!”

I felt my chest swell with that line. With a split second flashback of the whole year’s emotional turmoils…I swallowed hard, and for a split second, I thought…..oh what the heck! why not try (my level best) to welcome this birthday for a change! If not for me, at least for all my well wishers who want to see me happy on this day. After all, it comes only once a year, and as per the rules, you’re supposed to feel special - no?

So, with a heavy, painful sigh and a lot of reluctance…..happy birthday to me! And tomorrow happens to be bloggy’s turn…the 3rd. In fact half the reason of my resurfacing here is ‘coz of my bloggiversary.

Well, for a change, I do have something to look forward to….gifts from gf and her lb, and some others out of town who are adamant to make me feel special. Thank god for such friends!

15 mins. more to go..better brace myself for the bombardment on the phone……sheeeesshh! I wish I had it in me to look forward to, and relish this moment

What’d ya think?

Just came across this…and I just had to put it up here…

“A woman needs a reason to cheat - a man just needs a woman”

Hmmm…so does that mean I qualify?? More than once??  Coz hell! I got many reasons to back me up!

SABBATICAL?

Gone are the days - and nights when blogging used to be a religious activity. A time to unwind, to vent, to express, connect with others, humour myself and others with posts and comments, empathize, experience catharsis and laughter, grief, repentance and rantings galore.

Somehow, something seriously set off the repulsion to blogging all of a sudden…still not sure what it was. All I’m annoyed at now is that I no longer blog with the passion I used to. It can’t be the circumstances. Trust me, there is a lot of drama happening in this screwed up life of mine. Especially now, when I’m due to embark on some life altering journey - literally revising the past - a trip to a place last visited in 1988 - meeting up with someone after 9 years - and some others after 20 years!.

There is unknown fear, this anxiety that I can’t seem to get over with. Maybe it’s the dread of all the bitter, traumatic memories that will be bound to hit me head on. Everyone but me is excited about this ’sabbatical’ trip to this exotic place of my ancestors - which is actually scary. I have no inkling of what’s in store - and what to expect. I’m just hoping for some film-style meeting with someone worth the while during the 20 plus hours commute in the air and in between the airports. The tension and stress is getting over powering by the day, and to be very honest, I’m not particularly looking forward to all this. It’s more or less like an obligation I have to get out of the way - for which I’m sure my family will not be too pleased to learn about.

Bless my boss for trying to ease my stress meter by delaying the deadline for my project. He even went ahead with the advice to leave all my tensions behind and take a relaxing vacation. But nothing’s helping. I’m stressed out with each day. If I have to cut short my holidays, it’s going to be for my work and nothing more…which is really stupid, considering that I’m not exactly being paid a six digit figure!

For some odd (and disturbing) reason, lately I have been indulging in some conducts that’s out of the ordinary. Like the impromptu gt at my place this weekend. I had this urge to meet up with my friends before leaving. Then there is the mass upload of pictures on my facebook - something like a memory bank. The only thing left to do now is the last minute e-mail and phone call to all those close to me and ask for their forgiveness if I have wronged them in any way. And if you’re reading this….I ask the same from you. Seriously….I’m off to the unknown…who knows if I come back to relate my experiences…hence just in case, I ask for your well wishes and prayers.  

I’m due to fly off this coming Saturday. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make another post after this - I don’t even know when exactly I’m due back. Hopefully, I will have something extravagant and out of this world to blog about once I’m done with my journey.

So till then, I bid adieu.

GM? ME??

“GM Operations” - my new title. My new visiting card is being designed as I post this. Cause for some celebrations? Naaaahhh…..it’s complicated. To begin with, the pay befitting that title wasn’t even brought up. It’s more or less like we used to play ‘ghar-ghar’ or ‘teacher-teacher’ when we were young….here it’s ‘chal! GM-shee-em kheltein!’

I don’t know if it’s only with the company I work with - or more precisely, my boss who is the CEO-cum-MD-cum-Editor in chief-cum-President and dunno what other titles he’s given himself, has a thing for these hi-fi designation titles. Ok, with him, it can be acceptable since he is running many sister concerns - so he attatches the appropriate designation as per the concern. It’s his company after all. He can be anything he wants.

Coming back to me, I was told about the GM thing this morning, as my second designation along with the one all of you already know about. It’s like a semi-official thingi as far as I can understand. Yes, I am contributing my skills when it comes to the operations of the company as a whole, but I’m not being paid for the extra input. As much as the sound of the title being oh-so-corporate-big-shot-type and flattering to the ol’ ego is, I’m still very much grounded just ‘coz it doesn’t come with the pay structure befitting the title.

Isn’t there a law that prohibits the misuse of job titles just for the sake of impressing others? I remember when I was associated with a company abroad, there were pay scales attributed to designations as per qualifications and strict adherance to the heirarchy and job descriptions befitting the designation title. Here, we have so-called Executive Marketing Managers doing a simple marketing officer’s job - a Strategic Business Planning & Development Manager is doing nothing but strategic planning and development, rather, simply randomly meeting prospective B-C grade clients (heck! am sure he can’t even mouth his own designation, let alone have an idea of the job description it entails). Inappropriate designations can go both ways. We also have the Graphic Designer doing the job of Visualizer, Creative Head, Art Diector all rolled into one. Then there is the poor Editor who’s made to involve herself in ALL the departments, handling everything from simple correspondence and letter writing to copy writing, conceptualization of ad campaigns for the Ad agency, marketing and PR for all the departments, event management and coordination, on top of the usual editorial stuff - which she is being paid half of what she deserves for the dedication and stress she puts in. What she does actually covers all the supposed responsibilities of almost half of the people (who are actually ‘ghosts’ - if you know what I mean) who’s names and hi-fi designations appear in the team credits of the publication of which she is (officially) merely the simple Editor. And for the embarrassing pay she compromises for the angel of a boss she has, she has become a laughing stock to most of he friends.

I keep being told I deserve better - that I sell myself short and cheap - that I underestimate myself - that I’m too simple blah blah. I don’t know what intimidates from asking for my worth. I guess I just suck where money matters. All I know is that it does get upsetting learning about others with half my qualification and skills draiwing more than half of what I’m earning. So does flexibility and good rapport with the boss count, especially when you are working for self satisfaction rather than working to put bread on the table?

It’s a guy thing!

She complained to her friend about (awkwardly) catching her guy taking in the view of her front south her chin - not once mind you.

“He’s a guy! What’d you expect???”

Cut to a few hours later, when viewing the picture snapped to commemorate the meeting……..

“No wonder he couldn’t stop checking them out! I never knew I was sooo endowed! I guess they don’t look as big from the top angle as they do right bang straight on!”

“Again…..he’s a guy!!!!!”

PUKE-Y

If I don’t go green in the face, and somehow manage to keep it in instead of making a smelly mess, doesn’t mean that I’m faking my motion sickness problem! I don’t mind sitting in front with the driver instead of cursing in the back seat, with my neck stiff dead straight on. And I just realized how I’ve become to hate air travel with every flight I take. Irony is, there is an 11 hour flight that’s on the cards. I’m already feeling dizzy and wheesy thinking about the ordeal :S